TEN TIPS FOR MARRIAGE MAINTENANCE

            If you thought marriage was supposed to be fun, you're right.  If you thought it was supposed to be easy, you're wrong.  But anything worth doing is worth a little effort, right?  And you know, you have to suffer a little to really have fun, don't you?  I don't want it to be any harder for you than it has to be.  So I've put together this list of ten tips for marriage maintenance so at least you won't be stumbling in the dark.  Do these things and your life will go much smoother.

 1.Keep talking.  This is one of the most important maintenance techniques. As long as you keep your dialog open you'll have a chance to resolve sticky issues and, hopefully, stay close in the process.

 2.  Keep touching.  A marriage without physical closeness is neither physical nor close.  To be fully satisfied with your partnership, you'll want to keep touching, a lot.

 3. Don't be mean.  When people get angry it's tempting to give into nastiness. This only makes it harder to get past a conflict and leaves lasting damage in its wake.  Many a marriage has been destroyed by harsh words, carelessly delivered.  Remember, you're dealing with a loved one.

 4. Carry your share of the load.  Plenty of couples have an imbalance in this area and it leads to resentment and fatigue.  When both partners work outside the home, the man ought to share willingly with housework and childcare.  Numerous studies have shown that this leads to greater contentment and better sex.

 5. Be nice to your in-laws.  You may not like them but be nice to them anyway and welcome them into your home.  These people are important to your spouse, even it they're not to you. Learn how to deal with them or your spouse may learn to resent you for avoiding them.

 6. Make up nice.  Learn to get past a conflict.  Get back to talking and touching as soon as you can.  When there are wounds, they need to be healed. Post-fight kindnesses, apologies and a resumption of positive passions can heal almost any wounds. See #3 for exceptions.

 7. Be fair with money.  Finance is one of the major causes of marital conflict. You're a financial unit but each of you may have different  priorities.  Be accountable to each other.  Try to understand and respect your partner's financial priorities.  No doubt, unless you're really rich, there will have to be some compromises.  Financial abuse is probably as common as physical abuse.  Don't do it.

 8. Have the courage to be honest.  This is asking a lot.  It may mean you'll have to face music you could avoid if you were dishonest.  But, what you'll gain in intimacy is well worth the extra confrontation and criticism it costs you.  You may disagree.  Some people don't want that much intimacy, anyway.  But I say a marriage without intimacy is not worth having.  Just my opinion.

 9. Learn to think "we".  Marriage is a partnership.  You're no longer a sole proprietor.  The quicker you learn to think that way, the less stress you'll have in your relationship.  Of course, you want to be able to function independently, too.  But your spouse's wishes and requirements should never be far from your mind.

 10. Give respect and trust.  These are the two pillars of love and, when nourished attentively, should keep you, by and large, on the right track.  Respect is maintained moment to moment.  Trust is a longer-term commodity.  Both are vital.  Sacrifice either and you'll lose your love.